Here's the thing secondaries. It's not you, it's me.

So, for those of you who might not know, when you are applying to medical school, you fill out a primary application for all the schools you want to apply to, and then a secondary application for each school on your list. Each one is totally different; this can get real old real quick. Right around the 21st application, well, you are hoping to get a certain kind of application.

Here is my favorite kind of secondary application:

"We have received your primary application. Please fill out this secondary application:
Name:
Date of Birth:
Give us $100 dollars

Thank you - we will let you know in... well, however the hell long we want."

Yeah, that's the best case scenario. Here is the kind of secondary app that I hate, and have been working on for last 3 days:

"We have received your primary application. Please fill out this secondary application:
Name:
Date of Birth:
Social Security Number:
Mother's Maiden Name:
Astrological sign:
No not yours, hers:
Last time you had a haircut:
Pizza topping preference:
Penis radius of curvature:
Do you think that medicine is a good thing? Explain:
Is teamwork nice?:
How many African babies have you delivered? If less than 10, explain:

Your application is nearly complete. Pay us $105. Thank you. We'll get back to you when the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse ride in to our office and put guns to our heads and force us to get back to you."