Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Merry New Year Bitches!

The X-mas season has come and gone, and a new year upon is almost upon us. Presents were exchanged, food was et, and all in all, it has been a good year. I'm just about ready for my winter nap [yaaawwwwnnn], well, I guess that's it, see you all in the spring.

What's that? I didn't give you a present for Xmas? Hmmm... I know I had it somewhere... ah yes:

A Christmas Message to My Loyal Minions
by Axl Rose

Twas the night after christmas, and all up in this bitch,
People had heard about Axl's big switch.
No longer a pre-med, but now an M-zero,
Axl was cooler than Robert De Niro.

Ho's now adore him! And men are all jelly
From Cali to London to Spain and New Delhi!
All will converge just to pay their respect,
to give him some candy, and then genuflect.

The world is his oyster, and wouldn't you know,
He's now more attractive, why, dang'rously so:
The men all turn gay when they see Axl dance,
And lesbos turn straight just so they have a chance.

They all bat their lashes and flash him their eyes,
In vain hope of making dear Axl Rose rise.
They forget of course that, since he went MD,
He's far too high-class for such Tom-foolery.

Yessir life is good, things are pretty much set
It's downhill from here, goals are pretty much met.
He'll fly right through med school with Honors and A's,
The profs will adore him (cause now they're all gays).

A couple more years and he'll be an attending.
He'll get a Ferrari without over-spending.
He'll buy himself zebras to ride through the town
and also a gold-plated rad midget clown.

All of these things are the future no doubt,
So Axl will sit back and let it play out.
And so, gentle reader, do I invite you,
To watch it all happen with me, and some poo.

Merry New Year

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Thursday, December 15, 2011


So I've decided that this is the perfect time to refocus my efforts on my guitar playing, and on metal in general. I feel like I can finally enjoy things again, haha! To that end, I have taken specific steps:

1) I am now a guitar teacher! Every friday, I will be teaching guitar at the local music store here in Metalton. I'll charge $25 a half hour or $40 for an hour. It's a lot cheaper (per hour) for an hour-long lesson because I really prefer to have longer lessons. I feel like a half hour isn't really long enough to get in to the juicy part of playing metal right? I feel like you'd be getting a good shred-boner going, and all of a sudden, oops! half-hour's up!

2) I am listening to some sweeet metal. Specifically, Steel Panther's new album, Balls Out. It's awesome. There is so much amazing guitar playing on it, and tons of great singing and songwriting. Truly, these guys are musician's musicians. In fact, it seems that it would be worthwhile to just go through and learn the whole album front to back... hmmm... a challenge! I have thrown down a gauntlet to myself! Challenge accepted, self!

3) I have been practicing a lot! It's actually been really fun to be good again :) I miss having that little bit of pressure, knowing that you will have to play in front of other people. Nothing like a little performance anxiety to motivate you. I played about 4 hours yesterday, and I have to say, I was climbing (slowly) above the plateau that I've been stuck at for a couple of years. Yeah!

That's all for now. Go listen to Balls Out. It will make you happy in your pants.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Axl Rose to the Occasion

Today I got in to medical school!

I know, not as much fanfare as you might have expected from me considering that this blog was dedicated to the struggle of getting in to med school. I got the call today right after work, but I couldn't answer it because I was talking to the music store guy about becoming a guitar teacher there. I checked my voicemail afterwards, and there it was:

"I am calling to congratulate you on being accepted to our med school in Boston! You are a wiener!"

Just like that. But he had a pretty thick accent, so he might have been calling me a "winner"... In any case, yes, it is official. The journey that might have ended in sputtering defeat sometime next May will instead continue on and on and on.

Time to party! Axl out!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

An Astute Observation

So it has been a week since I wrote in this blog, and I (approximately) quote: "2-3 days from now I will know one way or another if I got in to med school or not." Unquote.

I have thusly made the following astute observation: logic dictates that one of two state of affairs must have come to pass (states of affair?). Either:

1) 3-4 days ago I was accepted to medical school. I drank champagne and celebrated with my homies. I partied like a rockstar, drank like an Irishman, and ate watermelon like a boss. All was good in world, and I quit my job to backpack around Europe with my cat Bobbins Magellan Mouse-Destroyer 3000. I came back, and found that I had 12 other med school acceptances, so I played them off against eachother until 5 of them offered me full scholarships. I then settled on a school in Boston that offered me $20k per semester to go there. Bitches loved me.


2) 3-4 days ago I was not accepted to medical school. I drank Wild Turkey whiskey and passed out in the urinal at KFC. Hours later, I woke up in a police station where I was questioned about the whereabouts of my accomplices in the bank robbery I pulled off earlier that day. Upon insisting that they had the wrong guy, they showed me the security footage at the bank, and the bank robber did indeed look an awful lot like me. In the footage, I try to make a getaway on a giraffe that had escaped from the zoo - and I do not get away. It then turned out that, in fact, it was me. I went to prison. I tried to join a prison gang for protection, but was rejected on account of that I failed to get in to medical school, and was therefore uncool.

Logic dictates that ONE of these scenarios MUST have come to pass since I was ABSOLUTELY supposed to find out 3-4 days ago whether I got in to med school or not.

In fact, a third scenario has come to pass, one that I feel quite foolish not to have anticipated: the med school that was going to make a decision and let me know 3-4 days ago did not make a decision, and did not contact me 3-4 days ago. I continue to sit and wait like a chode in the wind...

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The End (or Beginning) is Nigh (or Not)

So one of the Boston schools I applied to is supposed to call accepted students in the next 2-3 days. I'm trying to play it cool, but I am not feeling cool at all. I think that this med school is one of my best chances at acceptance, so if it doesn't work out, I will be really on edge for the next 8 months until all the waitlists resolve themselves.

So yeah, by Friday of next week, I will either be cruising down easy street with an acceptance to a great school close to home, or else I will have my back against the wall hoping that one of the other schools throws me a bone.

I feel ill. But you know what? This is stupid. If I don't get in to med school, I will go work for some biotech company, or go get a PhD, and I'll get a band together and write some music, play out, and become a rockstar/biomedical entrepreneur.

Listening to: Crusade by Trivium. A true work of genius by any standards. Especially the title track - incredible. Inspiring. One of those rare pieces of pure musical expression that shocks you in to a state of submissive wonder.