Monday, April 18, 2011

Axl Rose, C.P.A., presents: Money Advice for Med School

My heavy metal vixen is getting around to selecting which med school she wants to go to. The frontrunner is a good east-coast school that recently sent her a financial aid package. While the package was generous, it was still kind of a kick in the mouth to see just how much med school will cost, should I get the privilege. A cool quarter mil is pretty standard these days.

That got ol' Axl thinking, how in the hell am I going to pay for this, on top of all the educational debt I already have, which is a lot. Well friends, without further ado, I present:

"Axl's Foolproof Yule-Tide Debt-Free Seven-Percent Solution to Paying for Med School".

1) Male Stripper-
Now I know this might not seem like the most glamorous side job guys, but actually, it is! After a long hard day of studying med school stuff, you get to shake your ass at night, and people stick ones and sometimes even fives in your crack! Which you can use to buy crack! Or your med school text books. It's also a great way to meet quality ladies. And by quality ladies, I am of course referring to the employees of the Quality Ladies Escort Service.

2) Fireman-
Firemen are the $hit, and everybody knows it! They fight fires, save damsels in distress, and are always the life of the party, so much so that ladies hire them to come to bachelorette parties and strip! Actually, its kind of like being a male stripper, but, you know, one who fights fires too... Seems odd, you wouldn't necessarily expect those skills to go hand in hand...but somehow they pull it off! Badass.

(Now that I think about it though, there is certainly a lot of pole-work required in both arenas...and hose work.)

3) Romance Novel Cover Model-
Since the beginning of time, women the world over have enjoyed a good bodice-ripper every now and again. They dream of kissing guys on the mouth, dating guys "exclusively", and even being allowed to stay the whole night! Ahh me, women with their crazy ideas! Anyways, such women read these books, and they need hot guys to pose on the covers. And who do you want them to be imagining on those long, cold, lonely nights? You of course! Be someone's fantasy, their golden god! This is a great way to pocket some change and keep almost 10% of your clothes on (you know, if you don't want to be a fireman).

Well, that's it! Three great ways to pay your way through med school. I've already gotten a head start on all three as you can see. Look inside yourself, trust your instincts: do you have the physique and flair to be a stripper? Or perhaps you take great pleasure in intense heat and taking your clothes off - firefighting might be for you. For the hopeless romantic/narcissist crew, get yourself on a romance novel cover.

And when you graduate med school debt-free, I dont need your thanks. Keep your cash rewards, save your first-born for a rainy day. Just drop me a note, say hi, let Axl know how you're doin', I don't know, maybe dedicate a book to me or something. I'll sleep better just knowing that I helped. Good hunting, gentle reader.

p.s. very special thanks to Sixxstringer for the sick photoshopping :)


  1. Could not stop laughing! Great post! :)

  2. This is hilarious. I vote for male stripper, definitely seems most lucrative.