Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Enabling, or the Axl Rose Free Prescription Plan
It has come to my attention that there might be some confusion as to the central thesis of this blog. While it is entitled "Stealing Med School", the url is simply "stealingmed", perhaps suggesting that this blog will instruct you in methods of illegally acquiring medications.
While this blog is actually supposed to be about getting in to medical school, and loving metal, I'm not one to disappoint those readers who got here through some dodgy google search. Without further ado, I present here my definitive guide to stealing medication!
1) Go to the ER and tell them you have "stomach pain". That one works 90% of the time, every time. Stomach pain is apparently impossible to diagnose, so they'll just give you an unlimited scrip for morphene...hehe, dumb doctors. None the wiser.
2) Go to a store, and discretely fill your pants with pills from the shelf. When the checkout person asks you if there is a bunch of meds in your pants, you say, "No, I just reeeally like your blouse/pant-suit/pinafore!" He/she will be so overwhelmed by your charm, they'll probably pass out and you can stroll right out the door.
3) Break in to a pill factory through the air duct (which is apparently is never secured/suspected/covered by a security camera even though that's how they get in in every movie ever). Fill your pants with pills. Head for the exit. When the night-watchman asks you if you're supposed to be down here, answer "I'm...uh...your pinafore is very fetching...?" then punch him in the face. He will pass out instantly (I can't say I've tested this myself, but every TV show ever can't be wrong). His partner will aim his gun at you and shoot 15-18 times while you run out the exit, but all the bullets will miss.
There you have it! Enjoy your Axl Rose Free Prescription Plan.
disclaimer: It has come to my attention that I could probably get the pants sued off me for soliciting theft. I like my pants: please don't steal, and have a nice day.