Monday, May 9, 2011

Axl was ill... did a lot of thinking

Yes, I was sick in bed for the last week. My life has been on hold as my body took bloody vengeance against me. I have since recovered, and now find that I am suddenly a day away from getting back my MCAT scores, 2 days away from the deadline for my Anatomy final exam, 2 days away from my birthday, and 10 days away from (drumroll please)... SYSTEM OF A DOWN SHOW!!! With Gogol Bordello opening! It's going to be ridiculous.

But how am I paying for tickets, you ask? Well actually those are a gift from my female, woot! But still, how do I pay my rent and all the goddamn application fees for AAMCAS and AACOMAS? Glad you asked, cause it's time for another installment of:

"Axl's Foolproof Yule-Tide Debt-Free Seven-Percent Solution to Paying for Med School"

1) Tech Support Guy-
What? Axl Rose knows computers? Does Pinnochio have wooden balls? Computers are everywhere, they are ubiquitous. To not know computers is to be a blind man trying to Cathernine-Zeta-Jones-it through a room full of lasers. Wait... actually she couldn't see the lasers in that room could she... bad analogy. I guess not knowing computers would be more like a deaf man on America's Best Dance Crew, which, by the way is a quality show... In any case, tech support is a crucial and honorable job, and a great side-gig for paying your way through med school.

2) Shake-Weight Commercial Model-
What can I say about the shake weight that hasn't already been said. It's one of man's highest accomplishments. And by highest, I of course mean that you had to be high to think of this thing and have to be high to think this is a good idea/buy it/use it/watch the commercial. And while everybody is watching the commercial, you might as well get in there! Raise your profile! Who knows what kind of career opportunities await successful shake-weight commercial alumni? Why, you you have a great "in" for male prostitution basically...or politics.

3) Human Sushi Plate-
OK so this might seem a little demeaning. But you know what, you get to eat any sushi still left on you at the end of the night. And you get flowers to cover your nips.

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