We gonna pump - you up!

I am a Conan fan. He's a hilarious dude, and the commencement speech that he just made at Dartmouth has gone viral due to its hilarity. I used to watch his late night show all the time in college, when I never went to sleep before 3am. Good times.

But I don't want to look like him. He looks like a frog that got stretched out and then someone pumped his head full of carrot juice. God bless Conan, but I don't want to look like a ganglesloth (which, by the way was the name of my first band in high school. Actually it was "Hey Ganglesloth, That's My Bike).

I am also a Conan fan. He's a jacked, badass dude who kills everything and is so hardcore and metal that he speaks his own barely-intelligble barbarian language. And he has a big sword. And long hair. He is basically super-metal. (On a side-note, I used to have long-ass metal hair that I cut right before college graduation...which made me sad. I'm growing my hair out again, but I am doing it suuuper-slowly so that my woman doesn't notice. One day, it'll suddenly be down past my man-pecs, and she'll be like "WTF!?", and I'll be like "Yeah, you like that.")

(Then she'll be like "dumped")...

And I want to look like him. Maybe slightly less freaky, but you know, definitely more like Conan the Barbarian than Conan the Comedian. On a scale between O'Conan and Das Conan, I am definitely 5 parts O'Conan and 1 part Das Conan, so if we coud flip that ratio, that would be good. To that end, I've been lifting iron like Ruthenium... and that was a periodic table joke... that I'm not real proud of.

I don't enjoy pumping iron really because it kiiind of sucks, but whatever...I'll just keep that Conan picture on the wall next to the bathroom mirror. Haha- sorry Conan, I do love you though :) Lovely gams!