How to Win the MCAT: Boring Version

OK, so I have been very tongue in cheek about, well, everything so far. But I figure some people out there might actually benefit from a more sober discussion of the MCAT. I oblige. So here are my actual scores:
May 2008: Phys: 9
Verb: 12
Bio: 11
Total: 32O
Apr 2011: Phys: 13
Verb: 11
Bio: 12
Total: 36P

So basically, my verbal and bio didn't change much, but I gained 4 points in Physics which gave me a 4 point boost in my total score. I'm stoked. Here's what I did differently the second time round:

1) Took a Kaplan course

This definitely helped somewhat, but mainly because of my different approach overall. The biggest thing I did differently was to take practice tests. The first time round, all I did was study from a book, and then went drinking the night before the MCAT. It was dumb. This time around, I started taking full-length tests 4-5 weeks before the real thing. That made the biggest difference, mainly in that my timing was way better. The first time around, I didn't even finish the physics section, and barely finished the other two. This time I finished each section with 10-20 minutes left, and then I went through it all again and caught some easy mistakes.

2) Trained like a frikkin athlete

I started waking up at 5am a week before the MCAT and doing problems early in the AM. By the time the real thing came along, it pretty much felt like business as usual. As I mentioned above, the first time round, I literally was hanging out with friends and drinking the night before the MCAT. I had no idea where the test center was, so I spent the half hour before the exam in a panic trying to find the place.

3) Don't do math if you don't have to

And most of the time, you don't have to do much. Classic mistake: trying to memorize every equation and apply it in the test by plugging and chugging. Plugging and chugging on test day is a sure way to get bogged down and lose time. I memorized the big important equations, but on test day, I think I did maybe a total of 3 minutes of actual math. Instead, try to understand the relationships of the variables. If P increases, does T increase or decrease? Directly or by the square-root? If you know that shit, then you are pretty much set. 2 of the answers will be clearly wrong, and out of the last 2 answers, one will say T goes down by the square of P, and other will say it goes down directly with P. Boom, you have your answer. Don't do math.

4) Answer every question!

There's no penalty for guessing! If you leave a question blank, you are throwing away 1/4 of a point guaranteed. If you have 2 minutes left and 20 questions unanswered, take 30 seconds and just put C for all of them. Then go back and start figuring them out.

5) Don't freak out.

If you are freaking out and sweating and whatnot, you won't do well. This is a thinking test as much/more than a content test, and if you are too busy shitting your pants, you won't think straight. Do lots of practice tests under realistic conditions (I went and did them on Saturday mornings at my empty lab), and then you'll be more accustomed/less nervous on the day.

OK - that's it. This is my most informative/most boring post ever, and I felt dirty writing it. I felt like a dirty dirty ho. So just take it and leave ok!? I hope you're happy!

How to Win the MCAT

So I am not supposed to be writing blog posts because AAMCAS and AACOMAS are happening now, which means that I need to come up with a "real" personal statement, fill out the applications, and get all my transcripts and letters sent in. Also, my scientific paper has somehow failed to write itself, so I am stuck cleaning up that mess too!

We are cooking dinner now - chicken marsala - and by we, I mean my heavy-metal vixen. While the chicken absorbs those crazy awesome juices, I thought I'd share my crazy awesome juices with you, gentle reader: my thoughts on how to get a sweet MCAT score.

"Axl Rose's Fail-Proof Non-Bleached Almost-Fat-Free Seven Percent Solution to Owning the MCAT"

Rule #1: Have sex with the proctor, immediately.

I cannot overemphasize how important this rule is. If you're not having sex with your proctor before the MCAT, you might as well walk in to the exam room and start eating the mouse while sitting on the keyboard, entering a string of random letters for answers.

Rule #2: Study only in loud and distracting environments.

OK, so this is an actual Kaplan MCAT tip, which I think is hilarious. Well, they say to take practice tests in distracting environments so that on the actual day you can handle it. Unfortunately, the actual MCAT is held in a room where a quiet fart would startle everybody in there. It's dead silent, so studying in a loud place or taking practice tests at a startbucks is just dumb. Which is why it's my second tip!

Rule #3: Sit next to the white guy.

This rule may seem racist. However, you don't know which race I am (hint: the best one), therefore this may or may not be a racist rule. But there is a logic to my madness. You see, gentle reader, since the beginning of time, doctors have been stodgy old white dudes with sweet moustaches and hot trophy-wives. Today, med schools realize that if they fill their med schools with only white dudes, then a) that's a total sausage-fest, and b) the dance parties would look like a bunch of drunken zombie-Ents marching off to battle Sauron. Therefore, if that white guy is getting in to med school, he's probably going to get a 46 on the MCAT. Sit next to him, and surreptitiously cheat off him. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

Rule #4: When guessing, choose C: it's always C.

Except when it isn't. But it usually is, and there is good scientific reasoning behind that. You see, if you don't know the answer, then it's a hard question. Who answers hard questions? The nerds at the front of the class of course! So you should choose A right? Wrong! Too obvious, dummy! That's what they want you to guess. A is the sucker man's C. B is tempting because it's sort of in the middle between the extremes - a good place to hide a correct answer. But no, that's what they want you to think. D can be tempting for those who've just given up hope. What the hell, right? D, it's snuck in there at the end, all unsuspecting and shit. But D is the slacker man's C. Be a winner, choose C.

That's it! Follow those simple rules, and you will be awesome and metal like me. Good hunting.

36

In the end, it's a bell! Hooray for bell-ends!

Shockingly, the poll I put up a couple weeks ago has indicated that most people think I will get an intermediate MCAT score, and fewer people think I will get a score at the extremes. It's just like my high school statistics teacher said! Bell curve!

Of course, in creating the poll, I set the "middle" value of my poll at 35-37, so these results might say more about human nature and bell curves than about what my actual score will be...

Ahh the afterglow...

The countdown has ended, d-day has has come and gone, I have serviced my Mega Crap-Ass Test, and I have done the walk of shame.

Triage: It went well, I think... Physics went better than usual, verbal was verbal, and bio was harder than usual. Guessing worst case = P10, V11, B10. Guessing best case = P13, V13, B12. SO somewhere between 31-38. Very informative, I know. You'll just have to tune in on May 10th to find out more...

Today: Enjoying my freedom. Sitting around, listening to Crusade by Trivium, definitely one my favorite metal albums from the 2000's. Watching TV, just catching up on life. Starting my list of schools, and going to work on personal statement again. Calm before the storm. Rose out.

Coke and Hot Fries

Whoa - 2 days to MCAT...

I took a couple Physical Sciences sections in the last 2 days and got a 10 and an 11. Which is worse than I've been doing, but still pretty good - better than I did on the real MCAT 2 years ago. But I got a little scared, so instead of taking it super easy this week, I'm taking it medium easy and going through physics and gen chem again. Which makes my brain cry hyperosmotic tears.

Ugh...after the MCAT on saturday I'm gonna lose myself in a cloud of video games, metal, and a giant 8-ball of coke and mashed-up Hot Fries, and I'ma pass out and sleep for 9 days.

Listening to: Karma by Winger - It's pretty bomb.

The Post about my Sordid Past

I feel that this is a good time to take down that dusty tome and reveal the sordid past (since junior year of college) that got me to this point in my life. However, since I don't want to bore you with a detailed autobiography, I shall freely elaborate this 3rd-person narrative with exaggerations, fabrications, inventions, manufactations, and straight up lies. For the benefit of those few who might actually care for the truth, I will label all manufactations with asterisks. You're welcome.

At the end of junior year at Heavy Metal University*, Axl decided that he was going to become a pre-med. He decided this because, although his primary goal was to become a rockstar (no asterisk), medicine seemed like a decent back-up career. He went to the HMU premed advisor and told her his story. When she saw how low his GPA was, she was so shocked that her eyes popped all the way out of her skull and her testicles dropped even lower than his GPA*. It was a 3.1, with a 3.0 sGPA.

Axl's senior year really sucked, because he suddenly had to take Orgo II, Calc II, and Gen Chem II (he had been a bio major, so these classes had not been in his agenda). He also tried to take Physics II, but it was ridiculous, so he dropped.

Axl graduated HMU in the spring of 2007 with flying colors and high honors**. He was such an academic superstar that the college president could barely hide his rager at the honor of shaking Axl's hand as he collected his diploma*****.

At the end of the summer, he moved to NYC to fulfill his dream of becoming a metal god. He was a very good metal guitar player, and a good singer too, so he figured it would only be a few months before he collected together the baddest-ass group of troublemakers to take over the world with our metallic righteousness.

8 months later, Axl was broke, depressed, and the record deal he had signed with Fat Cat Records had fallen through*. He moved back to Bumpkintown where his parents lived, and plotted his next move. He came to realize that he was too smart to waste the rest of his life servicing that fickle maiden Music for the remote chance at getting in her pants. He took the MCAT in 2008, got a 32, and applied to a Master's of Biotech program at Elite High-Tea Time Fancy U* in Philadelphia, and got in. At the end of 2009, he applied to med school just as he was finishing his masters. He received 3 interviews and 3 waitlists.

Then one day in February 2010, he got the call! He had been accepted "provisionally" to Military Med SOM. The "provisionally" meant he had to pass a security clearance test and a medical fitness test. He passed the security test. He did not pass the fitness test due to an ancient heart defect that had been fixed when he was a child.

Bummed, Axl plotted his next move.

In the summer of 2010, he moved to a brave new state, one where the sun always shined, people always smiled*, alcohol came trickling down in streams from the Big Rock-Candy Mountain* out back, and the state med school had very reasonable tuition rates... He brought along a heavy-metal vixen whom he had met in Physics II which he had taken at Elite High Tea-Time Fancy U (the class, not the vixen).

He got a job at the local university, and prepared to re-assault Mt. Med School one...last...time...

Which brings us to today. My heavy-metal vixen has received acceptances at 4 med schools as of today, and we have added to our family with a cat named Bobbins Magellan Chookums Mouse-Destroyer 3000 (guess which part of the name I came up with). And the MCAT is in...4 days! If all goes according to plan, this is the year that I force the mountain to its knees. Follow me as I wheel and deal, plead and appeal, wine and dine, relax and unwind, sharpen my shuriken and darken my burkens all the way to med school bitches! Yeahh!



Note: Despite what this jocular post states, medicine is NOT a good back-up career lol! Medicine is a career for those who have thought very carefully about whether there is anything else in the world that they might be good at/enjoy doing, and have come up with the answer "no". Then they volunteered a ton of hours, talked to a ton of docs and med students, and decided that they hate money and freedom so much that this is the career for them.

There Will Be Ramen (and an end to E-titled posts)

Oops, we po agin!

Such is the life of a pre-med who is dating another pre-med who are both post-grads in a $hitty economy. Oh well. We get by.

In other news, I scored 38, 40, 35 in my last three full-lengths, which is crazy awesome. I was hoping for >33 when I started studying 6 months ago. Now I am still hoping for >33, but I know that I can get >35 on the real thing, and if I did that, then I would almost definitely get in to some med school the second time round (i.e. this time). One week left to D-day.

Listening to: Devildriver this weekend. Forgot how awesome they were - time to shake all that Steel Panther out of my limited-capacity brain.

Everafter and Forevermore, we shall inbreed...

Wow, David Coverdale is still at it. I'm impressed. The guy must be at least 70 years old (maybe 60? Oh, 60 even- thanks wikipedia), and he's still leading Whitesnake, and their new album, Forevermore is actually quite good. Touché Mr. Coverdale, touché. This is just one of those feel-good 80's bands: awesome, wholesome, classy. Love it, I really do.

I know a lot about metal, I think it's fair to say, and I've come to realize that heavy metal is a lot like the Habsburgs, i.e. super inbred. The Habsburgs were a European royal family who were distinguished by their awesome "Habsburg Chin" mutation that they all had, and by their overall good looks (the picture below is of a Habsburg ruler who was literally called Philip the Handsome).

So I'm listening to this new Whitesnake album, and running through the inbred genealogy of 80's metal:

-Whitesnake's current guitar player is Reb Beach who also played in...
-Winger (yes!), Alice Cooper band, and Dokken, whose guitar player was...
-Doug Aldrich, who also played guitar in...
-Dio!! Whose lead singer and namesake Ronnie James Dio also sang for...
-Black Sabbath, whose former singer was...
-Ozzy! Who, in his solo career, employed my favorite guitar player of all time...
-Steve Vai! Who was in David Lee Roth band, Zappa, and...
-Yep, Whitesnake.

It all comes full circle. Not convinced at the inbredness of metal? Here's another path back to Whitesnake:

-Whitenake has Reb Beach who played in...
-Dokken, whose bass player was...
-Jeff Pilson, who then started a band called War and Peace whose guitar player was...
-Satchel! who is currently in Steel Panther, which was formerly a tribute band to...
-Van Halen! Whose former lead singer was...
-David Lee Roth, who had his own band with guitar player...
-Steve Vai!! Who was in Whitesnake!

I'm tellin you man...Habsburgs. For your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of Charles II (yes, a dude) of the Habsburgs, displaying a lovely example of the mighty Habsburg Lip.

Efficient Use of Proprietary Materials

It's 1:15am. Just finished a Bio section and got a 13 = awesome balls! Awesome ones. I need to go to sleep right now, but I'm just too stoked. And you know how I make myself more stoked? With this song. This song makes me want to rock out with my cock out. Perhaps even jam out with my ham out. Rip it up with my... uh... shred out with my...head out?

Hah!

That was actually really good considering that I am wired. I'm definitely starting a sik metal band in med school...now all I have to do is keep rocking the MCAT so I can get in to med school, so I can start my band, so I can quit med school and be a rock star...

Woot to this Bio Section. Will review how I rocked it tomorrow.

[ahhhh]

1 week left.

Edited and Updated: Statistics for Pre-meds

Epic meh...

>What, like 10 days to go? Just scored a 12 on physical section...meh.

Total amount of sleep I expect to get tongight: 5 hrs
Total amounft of sleep I expect to get in the next 10 days: 20 hrs?
Total amount of time I should be spending on blog posts right now: 0 hours, and hey, give me back the 2 minutes I just spent on this one!

Epic Win / I miss the Darkness!

This post was supposed to be about how I rocked my last MCAT practice test, and I was going to add that picture of Justin Hawkins giving the thumbs up at the end of the "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" video (which I did not find), but I got totally distracted by how much I miss this band (The Darkness). [sigh...] They were so ultra bomb(astic), and the songwriting was solid. In fact, I now realize that their departure left me Hole Hearted (cough cough Extreme reference), and this Steel Panther kick I've been on is clearly my attempt to fill that hole. To their credit, Steel Panther ARE great at filling holes. They're on Hole Patrol, 24/7 (cough cough Steel Panther album reference).

Anyways, come back Darkness. You clearly need the money - Hot Leg is just OK and Stone Gods (if they are still a band even) bore me to tears.

And yes, I got a 38 on my practice MCAT test on saturday morning, which is tit. We'll see what happens on the real thing...in <2 weeks. I should be nervous, but I see it as <2 weeks to freedome (freeeeeedome... cough cough Jimi Hendrix reference. Come back Jimi...)

Eff-Em-eL

It's 2:05am. Just finished a full length and got a 32 = monkey balls. Greasy ones. I need to go to sleep right now, but I'm just not happy. And you know how I make myself happy? With this song. This song makes me want to rock out with my cock out. Perhaps even jam out with my ham out. Rip it up with my... uh... shred out with my...head out?

Hah!

That was actually really good considering that I am asleep. I'm definitely starting a sik metal band in med school...now all I have to do is stop choking on the MCAT so I can get in to med school, so I can start my band, so I can quit med school and be a rock star...

Boo to this BS. Will review where I went wrong tomorrow.

[sigh]

2 weeks left.

Statistics for the MCAT

My Cool Story for the Day, Bro

Today is a red letter day - 39 on a practice Kaplan full length! V12, P13, B14. Crazy. Now just have to keep the pace up for another month. Word of warning though to any Kaplaners out there in internet land, Kaplan full length 2 is supposedly easier than the others. I spoke to people from past Kaplan classes, and everybody does best on FL2. But people also said they usually scored just a little below FL2 on the real thing, so here's hoping!

Other than that, frikkin weekend - about time. Going for a walk in the mountains, then back to the books. Adios Amigos.

Gettin' a Grip!

It's all on track! Less than 5 weeks (I think right?) and I'm feeling pretty on top of the material, or at least more on top of it than when I got a 32 two years ago, which is good!

Posts are a a little "few and far in between" cause I am dedicating majority of my spare time to this MCAT crap. I have just finished all the material I need to get thru except bio. Still a little worried about Gen Chem, but have plenty of time to plug the leaks. Listening to "Shut Up and Dance" off my favorite Aerosmith album, "Get a Grip". Loving life - its all good today!

edit: It's 1am on Sunday night, and I just finished an official AAMC MCAT physics section, and got a 13!!!!!! I'm stoked. Especially considering that I got a 9 on the real thing 2 years ago. This is huge - its awesome to see my work paying off! I rock. I was going to do a bio section tonight, but I am going to sleep instead... Bio is all memorization anyways, and I haven't done any memorization yet. Onward and upward.

Laser Cannon Deth Sentence

5 weeks out - all hands to battlestations!

Title explained: 1) I am currently working on a confocal microscope. 2) It has lasers. And hence probably laser cannons... 3) Trying to stay on top of all my s**t feels like a deth sentence right now. 4) Dethklok rules!

Here's what's going on in my life:

1) MCAT in 5 weeks=4 hours a night, plus all weekend study sessions. Gotten through all the Physics material, still have to finish Bio and Orgo, but not so worried about those two. Starting next weekend, my plan is to complete at least 1 full length AAMC test per week, plus whatever Kaplan has me doing...

2) Personal statement. Needs be be pretty well drafted in the next week so that my premed committee people can write a letter detailing my feats of strength/monsters defeated/cancers cured/D&D rank attained/notes-per-minute capability on guitar. When I'm not studying I'm working on this.

3) Work, where last week I killed a frog...it was sad. It involved a guillotine and my bare hands and a pithing needle. I'm not a soft man. I'm a hard, hard man. Hardened even. But this was just...gross. I've killed apprx. 150 mice in my last lab, no problem, but this was just...icky.

4) Goddamn it I need sleep. Cutting it to a strict 6 hours a night. And trying to work out(???)

5) Listening to new Devildriver, Orpheus, and In the Presence of Enemies. Awesome all.


To anybody out there going through all this knee-deep s**t to get to med school, I salute you, and feel your pain. You feel my pain. We all feel much, much pain.

Countdown to Extinction (aka MCAT)

So I am no fan of the MCAT. I don't literally think it will cause extinction but...you never know...

I added a countdown clock to this blog to light a fire under my ass. I am not really having self-motivation issues (my motivation is that I don't want to go thru this butt-hurting process again!), but Frauline Himmler (aka my smarty-pants accepted-in-to-49-med-schools partner in crime) says that I'm not studying enough. I admit, lately I've fallen to as little as 2 hours a day, but I am still on track with my Kaplan.



But yeah, I need to pick it up a little, get back to the 4+ hours a day mark. To that end, I am going back to night studying. Boo. 6 weeks to go. Gonna kill it.

Lightningbolt-shooter-thingy

I was up at 5am today studying. That sucked.

A short compendium of things that suck marginally less than waking up at 5am to study Physics and Gen Chem:

1) A forceful kick in the between-the-legs area.

2) A staple in the forehead.

3) Eating a sawdust-and-coffeegrinds pancake... which is what I had for breakfast.





A short compendium of things that suck marginally more than waking up at 5am to study Physics and Gen Chem:

1) Two forceful kicks in the between-the-legs area.

2) A larger staple in the forehead.

3) Eating a sawdust...wait. Nope, thats it. There is no #3.


I have decided to move my study sessions from 10pm-2am to 5am-8am and then an hour or two in the evening. I am not a morning person, but the MCAT starts at 8am, in about 6 weeks, so I figured it makes sense to get my brain used to doing that stuff in the AM...ugh. Not a morning person.

On a related note, this is my second time taking the MCAT. The first time, I did not study verbal at all, studied bio pretty minimally (I was a bio major), and studied my ass off for phys and gen chem, did no full-length practice tests, and got a 32, which is pretty good considering. Also, my worst section of the MCAT was, you guessed it, physical sciences (a 9).

However, I have learned a thing or two since then. If you, gentle reader, happen to be approaching the MCAT, allow me to share with you a couple of things. First off, definitely definitely do full-length practices. I failed to finish 2 out of 3 sections on the actual MCAT cause my timing was way off. Second, do crosswords. I just happen to really love crosswords, and I think it really improves your critical thinking skills. It demands outside-the-box thinking. Great way to start your day: I do the NYT every morning. Speaking of which, quiz time:

Tesla is:

a) The name of the father of electricity.

b) The name of a talented but uncommonly ugly-in-their-faces early 90's metal band.

c) An answer in today's NYT x-word.

d) When combined with the word "coil", the name of an awesome thingy that...um...shoots...lighting bolts out of its...thingy. (I'm going to get wrecked by the physics section again...)

e) All of the above.



If you answered e, then you are smart. If you answered anything but e, you are dumb. Good day, gentle reader!