Red Eyes, Long Flies, Empty Guts and Full Butts

I hate those people who are like, "Boo hoo I hate interview season because there is just SO much traveling. I have to go from New York to Boston to LA to Chicago to St. Louis to LA to bla bla bla I have so many interviews every med school is lining up to give me scholarships." And then they post every place they go on facebook. Shut your cake-hole, douche!

So having said that, traveling sucks. I am very very happy to be returning home from my second interview, but I am not very happy to be sitting in the Denver airport at 11pm waiting to catch my red-eye to Newark to connect to a flight to Boston at 6:30am so that I can catch a bus to Metalton, where I won't even have time to go home, and instead will go straight in to a 7 hour shift at the Filthy Gunslinger.

When will I even poop!? When will I eat!? I haven't been in a private area since I checked out of my hotel this morning at 10am, and won't be home till 8pm tomorrow. No changing clothes, no showering, no sleeping, no pooping. (Edit - No, I am not one of those people who can't poop in public, but come on, airports? Do I really need Larry Craig peeping at me through the glory hole while I'm trying to drop a deuce? Come on...)

But the interview at the University in the Desert was great. It was fun being back - I got some good burritos, went to some of my old haunts, and I think the interview went great. As they say, I will only know how great (or not great) it went in a few weeks when I get (or do not get) an acceptance!

Also, I came across this, and just had to share it with you:

WORST. GLORY. HOLE. EVER.

Protest the Gyro

Ho. Lee. Shit.

Today is a good day. Sorry HMV, but it's time for a metal-related post. Today I discovered my new favorite band - Protest the Hero. They are from Canada, like proto-prog rockers Rush, and they are astounding. Perfect. Just perfect. Technical but tasteful. Virtuosic but hooky. Perfect. I will listen to their entire catalogue over the next day or two, and report back.

Today is a good day. Sorry HMV, but it's time for a beer-related post. Today a new friend of mine gave me a home-brewed beer. I was impressed enough that he was able to brew a beer at home period, but this beer is perfect. Dark but springy. Chocolatey but rich and serious. Totally badass.

Well, tomorrow I'm off to Maine to hang out with some college friends of mine - there will be debauchery, which is sorely needed after all this work and applications and Kaplan and stuff. Then on Tuesday, it's back to the desert for my second interview of the season. THEN, its HMV's white coat ceremony! Very sweet.

Adios amigos!

Chugging along

In my ears today: What if... by Mr. Big. It's actually an awesome album, and the first new one that they have put out in the last 15 years or so. All of these guys are just virtuosos, and they work great together - love it.

Ah life - today I have to prepare for my final Kaplan training, haggle with my boss at the Filthy Gunslinger to make sure I get HMV's White Coat Day off, send my little sister's cards out, and take out the trash. It's a good old life. My life is better than the following:

-Having to work at the Filthy Gunslinger indefinitely (quitting in 9 months woo! It's like a quit-baby!)

-Getting sand down my ass-crack in Iraq. Our troops are the awesomest - I could never do what they do.

-Working behind a desk in NYC answering phones (I've done that - I quit a day before I was going to paint the walls with my brains).

-Living alone in the desert of the Southwest (I had a damn good job, but I would have gone crazy there so far from the people I care about).

-Living at home with my parents...[shudder] - I love my family, but that would be not good. Why is it that whenever you go home, you automatically turn 11 years old again?


So yeah, life is good. My next interview is in exactly a week - back to the American Southwest! Then Philly the week after! Yay!

Unimpressed baby is unimpressed.

So the interview in or near or not so near to Detroit Rock City was great. I had a blast - they treated us really well, and the group of kids was really chill. There was a noticeable lack of gunners, which was great, cause that meant there was a good deal of camaraderie and revelry. There was also a noticeable lack of Asians, which concerns me somewhat... but I guess there aren't that many Asians who want to live in Detroit...? I feel like the # of Asians interviewing at a given medical school is directly proportional to the quality of the school... Asians flock to good schools like teenyboppers to a Twilight midnight showing. I don't know. But what I do know is this - may I present for your consuming pleasure:

Axl's New Mathematical Law of Chillness:

[gunners] α -[chillness]

or, in English, "The concentration of gunners in a system is inversely proportional to the concentration of chillness in that system." Copyright.

OK, so this mathematical truth might not be super original or surprising, but I just felt that it was time to codify this in an immutable law of nature. And copyright it so that if anybody suggests this in the future, I can gets some royalties, and then buys me a ferrari and a plum orchard. Yes, those are the two things that I want above all.

Oh, there was this ONE gunner, who was hilarious. He looked like he was about 12, literally, and I was like, "How's the interview season going for everybody, is this everyone's first one?" Everybody's like, "Yeah, this is my first one, really enjoying it" blah blah blah and then Gunner McChode-Face goes "Actually, I've already had a bunch, but whatever [yawn]." Literally, just like that. And he just looked bored to tears the whole day. I was like, dude, have you been to the beach recently, cause you need to get that sand out of your mangina.

The interviews themselves went well - there were 2 half hour ones. The first one was with a member of the adcom. It was very conversational, and I am pretty sure I made a good impression. The second one was with a baldy, wrinkly physician at the local hospital, and it was a little tougher. The guy was not very responsive or interactive at all, so I was left to prattle on about how awesome I was, which is kind of uncomfortable. You know, because I was having so much fun talking about myself that I had difficulty hiding my rager. The physician kind of looked like a giant unimpressed baby for the whole interview, which is not ideal... whatevs, he was probably just jealous of my awesomeness. Or my rager.

Anyways, it was a good day. How good? I'll tell you in 6-8 weeks when they get back to me! I am now in an airport on my way home to Metalton. Will be glad to be home, although it will be a short-lived relief since I have a shift at the Filthy Gunslinger starting at noon tomorrow. That pole aint gonna dance itself. Back to the grind!

Detroit - Rawk Citay!

Little known fact - there are over 3 medical schools in the state of Michigan! Well, at least that was little known to me.

I say this because the anonymity retainment consultants I hired to shield me from prying adcoms advised me not to disclose the names of schools that I am interviewing at, due to the sometimes often almost always crass and sophomoric nature of my blogging. But as it turns out, I can tell you that I am flying to...

DETROIT, ROCK CITY!!

since there are in fact more than 3 medical schools in that area, thus you can never deduce exactly where I am interviewing, and my crass rants can continue unabated on this blog.

But for now, I will just say that I am super excited to be going to Detroit - the rock city. I never thought I would ever be in Detroit, but the school I am interviewing at in/near/a long drive from Detroit is really cool.

Tomorrow, we feast on the...broken dreams of... adcom members who voted against me 2 cycles ago!!!

We RIDE!

Sexy #6

Yay-uh! Interview invite from my state school in the desert! Going back - should be fun!

Lucky #5

Interview invite number 5. Feeling pretty badass. Yeah. Spent the whole night quizzing HMV for her massive med school quiz. And working 8.5 hours before that. Speel. I mean sleep...


And that's Mister Badass to YOU!!

Also, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Not really, but come back!

The Filthy Gunslinger / Squatting in a Teepee

Today I started my new job. It's at a place called The Filthy Gunslinger in Metalton. What kind of establishment is the Filthy Gunslinger? A male strip-club? A pistol-vendor? Pool hall? All of the above? Suffice it to say, it's a place where you pays for what you gets, and you gets what you pay for...

It's awesome - I get free product, and the people are chill, so I got no complaints. One week till my first med school interview of 2011! I'm gonna wreck it!

Also, I've had In Waves by Trivium on infinite repeat for the last 3 weeks. It's not getting any less awesome, but I am starting to put feelers out for the next big album of my life...

Also, starting from Monday, I will officially be a Kaplan MCAT teacher. Between that job, my job at The Filthy Gunslinger, and my attempts to get in to med school, it's going to get insane around here.

If my life could be described by the punch-line of a shitty joke of my own creation it would be:

Q: What do you call a piece of poo in a teepee and a wigwam?

A: Two in tents.

badum-ting. Athank you very much.

If my life were a sandwich...

it would be the awesomest sandwich ever made. Complete with whale penis (why is it that whale penis seems to make everything just that little bit awesomer? If only I knew... I'd start a whale penis farm).

My life is awesome because I have been invited to 4 interviews as of today! Woot! So, my HMV says that I have to be careful with my anonymity (she rightly points out that if an adcom knew about this blog and linked it to me, there could be some awkward questions posed about the awesomeness of whale penises and the like).

So, in order to preserve my anonymity but also share the good news with you, gentle reader, here are the 4 schools that I have been invited to, complete with code-names, embellishments, stretches, and downright lies designed to throw those pesky adcoms off the scent.

Note: once the interview season is over, and if I get in somewhere, I may reveal the secret code that I used and tell you all the actual names of these schools.

1) "School-in-a-dirty-city"

I am very excited to interview at schoolinadirtycity. It's a really cool school, and despite the city's dirtiness, I have a soft spot for this city. The school is actually in a really pretty part of this city, so a yes from these guys would be really awesome. Well, a yes from any school would be awesome, but I would actually be excited to go here.

2) "School-not-too-far-away"

I am excited about this school because it is within a 100 mile radius of Metalton, the non-descript New England town that I call home. The schoolnottoofaraway is in a city that I really really like. HMV interviewed at this school, and had mixed feelings, but hey, she's not at metal as me, so you know, what does she know!

3) "School-in-a-land-far-far-away"

I have never been to the city that this school is in, so I am really excited to visit it. They impressed me with their communication-ness... the lady on the phone was nice to me basically. Which is not always the case with med schools.

4) "School-with-a-hilarious-name"

I mostly like this school because it has an awesome name. Which I guess you can't appreciate due to my unbreakable code... hmmm. Well anyways, this school is near the home of a really good friend of mine, so perhaps there will be hanging out and brews involved with this trip.



That is all for now. All of my interviews are scheduled for the next 6 weeks, so I will be sure to document each interview and report on how awesome-sandwich I was at them. First up, school-in-a-land-far-far-away in a week!

Heeeeere we go!